Xmas Xcess

I miss Xmas. Real Xmas. Not Recession Xmas.

I was informed today that my family agreed behind my overspending back that there is a limit per person of R100. Of course everyone knows the only thing you can buy for under R100 is something that is so crap it will be regifted during the upcoming year when you'll be even poorer than you are now. So half my family already requested the money instead of a gift so it can at least go towards something vaguely worthwhile. Which means the only thing under my Xmas tree will be a bunch of rolled up notes. Which is great when you want to do coke but not so much when you don't.

Remember how Xmas used to be in the good old days? Remember when you didn't have to make arrangements with people that "only the children get presents this year". Or "let's decide on an amount". Or "homemade gifts only". Remember when you didn't have to ask everyone to bring a salad or a dessert or their own booze. Or when you didn't have to settle for chicken cause duck's too expensive. Remember when you didn't have to get "creative" or pretend it's "the thought that counts".

The thought my ass. I want overindulgence overload and overkill. I want to cover my house and my lemon tree and my backyard in lights and get the biggest baddest tree and cover it with so much kitsch it will deserve its star just for staying upright. I want to buy my loved ones anything and everything I see. I want them so tired from unwrapping all their presents they'd need a jack to get them to the table. And once they sit down at the table they will get salmon and caviar and fillet and hell, a gold plated turkey.

I'll make them forget about Aids and murder and politics and debt. I'll make them forget that petrol and food are going up and the environment is going down. Before they know it they'll forget this year sucked because they'll be spoilt, stuffed, satisfied and above all happy. After all, isn't THAT the thought that SHOULD count?

xx
J 

CROWN ROAST OF PORK WITH WILD RICE STUFFING 

(The roast is supposed to be a circle of chops, forming a crown. My picture doesn't look like that because I made half a rib (7/8) for test purposes. For a true crown you need at least double that.)

A crown roast is one of those O.T.T. things I've always loved but never made. You can make it with lamb or pork or, if you have big kahunas (and family members), beef. The recipes were actually few and far between and frequently nauseating. But after lots of research I went with Martha Stewart and, being a novice at this, followed her to the letter. I've amended the recipe below to suit my taste but man, it's awesome. Definitely on the menu!!

The first thing you have to do is, duh, get a crown roast. You can be cool and make it yourself or just go to the butcher and ask them to make it up. For Xmas I'm planning on getting one with about 16 ribs. I've amended the recipe based on that amount.

Wild Rice Stuffing

1/2c Slivered and toasted almonds

6T Olive oil

2 Onions chopped

2 Large pieces of celery chopped

6 Cloves garlic crushed

2T Rosemary chopped

2T Sage chopped

400g Pork sausages squeezed out of casings

1T Fennel seeds

1/2T Smoked paprika

3 Granny Smith apples peeled cored and chopped

1c Dried apricots chopped

1/2c Dried cranberries

1/2c White wine

2.5c Cooked wild rice

1.5c Cooked white rice

2T Butter

Heat 2T olive oil and fry onions, celery and garlic until soft. Season, add the rosemary and sage then increase the heat and cook until the onions and celery is golden. Remove from the pan and stir in the parsley. Heat 2T olive oil and add the sausage, fennel and paprika. Break up the sausage mince and fry until golden. Remove and add to the onions and celery. Heat 2T olive oil and add the apple and fry until soft and brown. Add the wine, scrape up the bits, then cook until all the wine has evaporated. mix in the vegetable and sausage mixture, then add the rice, apricots, cranberries and almonds. Season again. Put into a buttered casserole, dot with butter and cover with foil.

Crown Roast of Pork

16 Rib crown roast of pork

8T Olive oil

Zest of 2 oranges

5 Cloves of garlic crushed

2T Rosemary chopped

1c Dry white wine

2T Apple cider

1.5c Chicken stock

1.5T Butter

2T Flour

Mix together the olive oil, zest, garlic and rosemary. Season the roast then rub with the mixture. Roast in the lower part of the oven at 425F for 15 minutes. Turn heat down to 375F and roast for 1 - 1.5 hours but keep an eye on it to ensure it doesn't burn. If the tops of the ribs get too dark you can wrap the individual bones in bits of foil. When a thermometer inserted in the meatiest part reads 150F the roast is done. Check a couple of places to be sure. Remove the roast from the oven and cover with foil to keep warm. Turn the heat back up to 425F. Put the stuffing in the oven and bake for 20 minutes until hot. Meanwhile get rid of the fat from the pan so you only have the juices left in the pan. (See note below). Add the wine to the pan and boil to reduce by half, scraping all the bits off the bottom. Add the cider and stock and season. Bring back to the boil. Melt the butter and add the flour to form a paste. Slowly add to the boiling sauce while whisking to ensure it mixes smoothly. Strain and keep warm to serve as gravy. Put the roast on a big platter and spoon the rice into the centre before serving. If everyone doesn't bow down to you, send them to KFC and see how they like THAT.     

Note: Spooning fat off juices is a pain, especially if you don't have time to wait for it to congeal (yummy). So what I do is I allow it to cool a little and pour it into a ziploc bag. Hold it over the pot you want it in with one side pointing down and put another container close by. You'll see the fat settles at the top and the juices at the bottom. Using scissors cut off the corner and let the juices poor out, moving it quickly over to the other container the moment you get to the fat part. Make sure you fish the plastic corner out of the gravy though!