Call My Bluffet

After months of being in hiding thecoocoocook abducted my brain and my mouth and when the lights came back on I had somehow invited five ladies to a buffet. And they weren't riffraff either. These are classy chicks. With posh palates. What was she THINKING? Here I am, of late rendered too culinary challenged and insecure to toast bread, neck deep in martyrdom, mourning my perceived loss of my cooking talents. And she throws me in the fire. Traitorous bitch. 

Have I been enjoying my dry spell? My gastronomic writers block? No. Sorta. Feeling sorry for myself has its benefits. Where else would I get a good excuse to drink?

But all in all nothing makes me happier than the planning, the research, the recipes, the shopping list, the todo list, the preparation, the presentation, the taste and the immense satisfaction. Even when it's not great. Because I learnt what NOT to do and that was good too. Until I started being so damn hard on myself.

Thanks to the inadvertent buffet I was forced to bluff my way through it. And that's thanks to thecoocoocook and her big mouth. It turns out being a crackpot is all it's cracked up to be. 

xx

J

CAESAR SALAD

This salad contains lots of really cool stuff that aren't technically necessary. But they're cool. Up to you, and your location of course. (God knows, if I mention caperberries in Saldanha in no time the Weslander will be reporting that "Homegrown Girl Introduces West Coast To Hip City Drugs"). So substitute is the Word of the Day. If you can't find caperberries use regular capers. If you can't find white anchovies don't use brown ones (they're too salty), just leave it out. And obviously you can use regular eggs if you can't find quail, but halve the amount. Obviously. As for the dressing, you can cheat and use any storebought Caesar Salad Dressing - I like Ina Paarman's. (Apologies to my mother who hates her, based on a mysterious encounter way back when I was in diapers).

Salad

60-80g Mixed salad leaves

180g Chicken breast

8 Rashers streaky bacon

6 White anchovies

6 Quail eggs (I could only find pickled ones from Woolworths)

1/4c Caperberries

1/2c Croutons

Parmesan shavings

Slice the chicken breast thinly and fry slowly until just done but not browned. Season and cool completely. For the bacon, use very little oil, or a spray, and keep the heat really really low. Leave it to do its thing for 20 minutes or so, checking every now and again to turn over if necessary. You can't rush bacon crisping. Once very crisp drain on kitchen towel, allow to cool completely and break in two. Toss with the chicken, salad leaves and half the dressing. Sprinkle with caperberries and croutons, decorate with quail eggs, anchovies and parmesan shavings. Serve with the rest of the dressing.

 

Dressing

2T Mayonnaise (not tangy)

60g Parmesan grated

1 Garlic clove crushed

1 Brown anchovy 

1/2t Lemon juice

1/2t Caster sugar

Mix everything together and process until smooth, adding water until you have the right consistency. I found that the parmesan made the texture gritty. There appears to be various schools of thought on that, but for me personally it was too gritty so I actually added hot water instead of cold to melt the parmesan somewhat. Season to taste.

SEARED BEEF CARPACCHIO WITH PEPPER AVO SALSA & HORSERADISH MAYO

250g Fillet

1T Black peppercorns

1/2T Salt

60ml Red onion chopped

80ml Red pepper chopped

80ml Yellow pepper chopped

30ml Baby capers or chopped capers

1/2 Avo chopped

1T Lemon juice

30ml Mayo

30ml Creamed horseradish

1/2c Rocket

Rub the fillet with salt, pepper and a little olive oil then sear over high heat for 2-3 minutes on all sides. Allow to rest for 10 minutes then wrap tightly in clingwrap like a cracker. Put in the fridge for at least 4 hours or overnight. Mix together the peppers, avo, capers, lemon juice and season. Process the mayo, horseradish and half the rocket with a little water to loosen it a bit. Smear half the mayo on a platter. Slice the fillet very thinly and place on the platter, sliding them around a bit to pick up some of the mayo. Sprinkle with the salsa and the rest of the rocket and serve with the extra mayo on the side.

SALMON TERRINE WITH GREEN OLIVE & VANILLA DRESSING

Terrine

 

250g Smoked salmon slices

100g Smoked salmon chopped

250g Fresh salmon

1/2 Onion chopped finely

80g Butter 

1 Egg yolk

1T White wine

1T Lemon juice

40g Clarified butter (slowly heat 60g butter until it starts foaming then strain through muslin cloth, it should leave you with about 40g clarified butter)

Use a terrine mould or, as I did, a small breadloaf tin. Rub the inside with olive oil then line with plastic wrap. Line the tin base and sides with the smoked salmon slices, overlapping slightly, letting the excess hang over the sides. Sprinkle the fresh salmon with 1/2t salt and allow to stand for 20 minutes. Melt the butter and fry the onion until soft but not browned. Add the salmon and the wine and simmer for 3 - 4 minutes. Remove the salmon, flake and cool. Turn the heat up and reduce the juices by half. Cool then add the salmon and the rest of the ingredients. Mix well then carefully fill the mould. Fold the excess salmon slices over and cover with the excess clingwrap, pressing down slightly to firm up. Put in the fridge for at least 4 hours (I made mine the night before). 

Dressing

1/2 Vanilla pod halved

5 Green olives finely chopped

3T Onion finely chopped

2T Green olive brine

2T Verjuice 

100ml Olive oil

1T Chives chopped

Heat the olive brine and verjuice, add the vanilla pod and simmer for 2 minutes. Add the olives and onion and cool. Scrape the seeds from the pod into the dressing and whisk the olive oil in slowly. 

Unwrap the covering clingwrap and put a serving plate facedown on top of the tin. Hold the two together and tip over. Knock the tin until the terrine slides out onto the plate. Carefully peel off the clingwrap, drizzle with the dressing and the chives.

PORTOBELLO AND SPINACH QUICHE

Base

 

100g Butter frozen in small blocks

320ml Flour

1/2t Salt

1 Small egg

1 Small egg yolk

50ml Ice water

Process until mixture resembles large breadcrumbs. Don't allow the butter to melt completely. Whisk the eggs and water together then slowly add to the butter and flour mixture. Don't overmix. Flatten into a circle, wrap in clingwrap and put in the fridge for an hour. Roll out to fit quiche dish. Spray with non-stick spray and fit the dough into the dish. Freeze for at least half an hour. I froze mine overnight. 

Heat oven to 190C and move rack to the lower third of the oven. Line the dough with greaseproof paper, making sure to cover the sides as well, and fill with dried beans. Bake for 20 minutes, rotate and bake for another 20 minutes. Remove the beans and paper and cover the outside crust with strips of foil, scrunching carefully not to damage it. Bake for another 15 - 20 minutes until golden brown, keeping a careful eye on it and rotating if necessary. Cool completely.   

Filling

1T Butter

250g Portobello mushrooms sliced

4c Spinach roughly chopped

1 Garlic clove crushed

5 Small eggs

200ml Whipping cream

200ml Full fat milk

1t Salt 

1/2t Pepper

350ml Strong cheddar grated

Reduce heat to 160C. Fry the mushrooms in the butter until cooked but firm. Remove and discard all but 1T of the liquid. Add the garlic and the spinach. Cover with a lid and cook until soft. Turn up the heat and fry off the rest of the liquid. Add to the mushrooms, season then cool completely.

Whisk together the eggs, cream, milk, salt and pepper. Sprinkle half the cheese into the base followed by the mushroom and spinach. Sprinkle over the rest of the cheese and pour over the egg mixture. Bake for 25 minutes, rotate and bake for another 25 minutes. Test with a toothpick to ensure done, baking for another few minutes if necessary. Allow to stand for about 20 minutes to cool and set. 

TRICOLORE PASTA WITH CASHEW & ROCKET PESTO

Pesto

50g Cashews

30g Rocket

10g Basil

60ml Parmesan grated

1/2 Garlic clove crushed

125ml Olive oil

1t Lemon juice

This will give you double the amount you need for the pasta, but you may as well make extra! Dry roast the cashews in a pan. Cool then process everything together. Check seasoning but you shouldn't need to add any - the parmesan will add the salt and the rocket will add the pepper.

Pasta

200g Tagliatelle (I made fresh, according to the recipe in the Giddyuppychef post)

10 Cherry tomatoes quartered

50g Rocket roughly chopped

1/4c Red onion chopped

125g Ricotta

Cook the tagliatelle, drain and immediately add about half the pesto while still warm. Cool completely then add the rest of the ingredients and mix through.