Gr-Ati-Tude

It was Ati's birthday yesterday, my hot Turkish neighbour, so I baked him and his family some Baklava. You see, I'm incredibly lucky and eternally grateful that Ati and his equally hot wife Jenny are next door. Living alone isn't all it's cracked up to be. A couple of weeks ago I ripped my alarm panel out of the wall because it went off and wouldn't stop. I know it wasn't my finest Mensa moment but in the movies they clip the wires and the alarm stops, it was 2 a.m. and I was panicking. I don't know how to fix it, wires aren't my thing, so now I'm alarmless and that scares the shit out of me. Or it would, if it weren't for my huge hot Turk next door. 

I'm actually looking forward to a rapist/murderer/burglar sneaking in through the back door so I can start screaming and watch Ati launch himself over the wall and into the scumbag like a Tonne of Turkish Tyranny. Because I truly believe he would do it for me. And God help the poor bastard if Jenny the Portuguese sexbomb follows because man, you don't want to be around when she gets mad. I've found myself sitting in the corner hugging my knees and rocking back and forth in terror and that was just from hearing her yell at someone on the other side of the wall...

I know in comparison to saving my life and being there for me if and when I need them for a crisis or a heartbreak or a cup of sugar this seems rather mediocre, but then, this is me:

Above all, thank you Ati and thank you Jenny, for your brave tastebuds and your endless appetite. I am very grateful that you're willing to keep accepting and eating all the food I'm constantly passing over the wall. You always take it with enthusiasm and excitement and gratitude as if I'm doing YOU a favour. But who's going to eat my food if you don't? Like I said, living alone isn't all it's cracked up to be...

But with neighbours like you, it ain't so bad at all.

xx

J

BAKLAVA

200g Almonds toasted and chopped

200g Pistachios toasted and chopped

10ml Ground cinnamon

Pinch of ground cloves

8 Sheets phyllo cut in half

1/2 - 1c Melted butter

Whole cloves

500ml Sugar

250ml Water

10ml Lemon juice

10ml Lime juice

Mix the nuts with the cinnamon and ground cloves. Use a baking tray that's about the size of half a phyllo sheet and brush with melted butter. Layer with four sheets of phyllo, each brushed with butter. (As with all phyllo, all the other sheets you'll be layering also need to be brushed with butter so I'm not going to keep saying it.) Sprinkle about a fifth of the nuts then layer another two sheets. Repeat three more times then finish with the last of the nuts and the last four sheets. Cut the top layer of the sheets into a diamond pattern. Insert a clove into the centre of each diamond and sprinkle with water. You need to bake at 360F for 30 minutes but check how dark the phyllo gets, I covered mine with foil after 15 minutes. Reduce the heat to 300F and bake for another 10 minutes. Bring the sugar, water, lemon and lime juice to a boil then simmer for 5 - 10 minutes. Pour the syrup over the baklava and leave to cool. Once cool cut right through each diamond carefully or you'll tear it apart when you serve.