I don't like fruit. I don't have a sweet tooth in general so when I do indulge in something sweet I figure what's the point eating something endorsed by the Heart Foundation?
But I'm a traditional kinda girl and so, because some idiots decided to put a whole bunch of fruity things into Xmas, I will do so too. My plan was to only give my Sticky Toffee Xmas Eve dessert a teensy little fruity twist and that's it. But my mother decided otherwise.
I'm sure she meant to hint that a Xmas cake would be nice. But hinting is not in her nature. God bless her, neither is subtlety. She once asked a fat teenager loudly and in front of others if they thought having potato salad was a good idea. That's my mom. Being subtle. As a powertool. (And yes, I put down the spoon and didn't have any potato salad.)
She has mellowed over the years but her subtlety hasn't. Here's our conversation on Friday:
"Did I tell you we got a Xmas cake last year? Someone gave Cobie a cake and she gave it to us. We finished it in two days flat. It was wonderful. I love Xmas cakes don't you? I really hope Cobie gets another cake so she can give it to us. Or that someone gives us a cake. Wouldn't that be lovely..."
"Yes Mother I'll turn the car around and go back to Pick n Pay Mother."
"No no. Don't do that. I'll just suffer. Woe is me. I'm a poor abused starving old lady. Nobody loves me. I am so lonely and deprived. I'll just crawl to my grave hungry and heartbroken on my arthritic knees."
OK. She didn't actually say that. But that's what she meant. Subtle as a powertool. Joan the Jackhammer.
And yes, I baked her the cake. June the Jackass.
xx
J
STICKY TOFFEE XMAS PUDDING
She has mellowed over the years but her subtlety hasn't. Here's our conversation on Friday:
"Did I tell you we got a Xmas cake last year? Someone gave Cobie a cake and she gave it to us. We finished it in two days flat. It was wonderful. I love Xmas cakes don't you? I really hope Cobie gets another cake so she can give it to us. Or that someone gives us a cake. Wouldn't that be lovely..."
"Yes Mother I'll turn the car around and go back to Pick n Pay Mother."
"No no. Don't do that. I'll just suffer. Woe is me. I'm a poor abused starving old lady. Nobody loves me. I am so lonely and deprived. I'll just crawl to my grave hungry and heartbroken on my arthritic knees."
OK. She didn't actually say that. But that's what she meant. Subtle as a powertool. Joan the Jackhammer.
And yes, I baked her the cake. June the Jackass.
xx
J
STICKY TOFFEE XMAS PUDDING
55g Butter
170g Demerara sugar
1T Syrup
2 Eggs
2T Treacle/molasses
200g Self raising flour
100g Dates chopped
100g Fruit mince
1T Glacé cherries chopped
1T Syrup
2 Eggs
2T Treacle/molasses
200g Self raising flour
100g Dates chopped
100g Fruit mince
1T Glacé cherries chopped
150ml Boiling water
1t Bicarbonate of soda
1/2t Vanilla extract
110ml Double cream
55g Butter
55g Muscovado sugar
2T Treacle/molasses
1T Syrup
Mix the dates with the boiling water then pulp with a blender until smooth. Stir in the bicarb and vanilla extract. Cream the butter and sugar together until pale and fluffy. Add the syrup, eggs and treacle and blend until smooth. Add the flour and blend gently. Add the date mixture, fruit mince, cherries and stir. Butter 6 pudding moulds, line with wax paper and butter again. Fill with the mixture. Bake at 400F for 30 minutes or so but keep an eye on it and put some foil on if it gets too dark. Remove from oven and make the sauce. Bring the cream, butter, muscovado, treacle and syrup to a boil. Unmold the puddings onto plates and make some holes in them with a toothpick. Pour the hot sauce over and serve with ice cream.
XMAS CAKE
1t Bicarbonate of soda
1/2t Vanilla extract
110ml Double cream
55g Butter
55g Muscovado sugar
2T Treacle/molasses
1T Syrup
Mix the dates with the boiling water then pulp with a blender until smooth. Stir in the bicarb and vanilla extract. Cream the butter and sugar together until pale and fluffy. Add the syrup, eggs and treacle and blend until smooth. Add the flour and blend gently. Add the date mixture, fruit mince, cherries and stir. Butter 6 pudding moulds, line with wax paper and butter again. Fill with the mixture. Bake at 400F for 30 minutes or so but keep an eye on it and put some foil on if it gets too dark. Remove from oven and make the sauce. Bring the cream, butter, muscovado, treacle and syrup to a boil. Unmold the puddings onto plates and make some holes in them with a toothpick. Pour the hot sauce over and serve with ice cream.
XMAS CAKE
The Xmas Cake still has some ways to go. It needs to be fed with brandy (I'm doing 1/4c once a week until Xmas), then I still have to ice it. But in case you want to get started on yours, here it is!
250g Currants
250g Sultanas
250g Raisins
50g Dried cranberries chopped
50g Glacé cherries chopped
50g Mixed candied peel chopped
150ml Brandy
225g Flour
1/2t Salt
1/4t Nutmeg
1/2t Mixed spice
225g Butter
225g Brown sugar
4 Eggs
50g Chopped almonds
1T Treacle/molasses
Zest of 1 lemon
Zest of 1 orange
Mix together all the fruits and 90ml of the brandy and leave overnight to soak. Don't skimp on the cake tin wrapping, I did and my cake's a bit dark on the sides. (I'll feed it brandy and see if it's soft when icing time comes. If it's not I'll just shave the sides a bit it won't show under the icing.) Butter the tin and wrap in two layers of greaseproof paper. Also wrap a band of brown paper around the outside of the tin and tie with some string.
Cream the butter and sugar together until pale and fluffy. Beat the eggs in bit by bit. Sift in the flour, salt and spices and fold in gently. Fold in the fruit mixture, almonds, treacle and zest then spoon into the cake tin. Cover the top of the cake with a double layer of greaseproof paper, leaving a little hole at the top. (Don't know why but I'm no expert on Xmas cakes so just do it). Bake the cake at 275F on the oven's lowest shelf for 4 hours. Check if it's done and let it go a bit more if not. Allow to cool then make some holes with a toothpick and feed it the other 60ml brandy. Wrap in a double layer of greaseproof paper and store in an airtight container. Feed weekly, making sure you have a double brandy every time it gets one. It's only fair.
250g Currants
250g Sultanas
250g Raisins
50g Dried cranberries chopped
50g Glacé cherries chopped
50g Mixed candied peel chopped
150ml Brandy
225g Flour
1/2t Salt
1/4t Nutmeg
1/2t Mixed spice
225g Butter
225g Brown sugar
4 Eggs
50g Chopped almonds
1T Treacle/molasses
Zest of 1 lemon
Zest of 1 orange
Mix together all the fruits and 90ml of the brandy and leave overnight to soak. Don't skimp on the cake tin wrapping, I did and my cake's a bit dark on the sides. (I'll feed it brandy and see if it's soft when icing time comes. If it's not I'll just shave the sides a bit it won't show under the icing.) Butter the tin and wrap in two layers of greaseproof paper. Also wrap a band of brown paper around the outside of the tin and tie with some string.
Cream the butter and sugar together until pale and fluffy. Beat the eggs in bit by bit. Sift in the flour, salt and spices and fold in gently. Fold in the fruit mixture, almonds, treacle and zest then spoon into the cake tin. Cover the top of the cake with a double layer of greaseproof paper, leaving a little hole at the top. (Don't know why but I'm no expert on Xmas cakes so just do it). Bake the cake at 275F on the oven's lowest shelf for 4 hours. Check if it's done and let it go a bit more if not. Allow to cool then make some holes with a toothpick and feed it the other 60ml brandy. Wrap in a double layer of greaseproof paper and store in an airtight container. Feed weekly, making sure you have a double brandy every time it gets one. It's only fair.
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