Snooty Starch

Risotto is one of those dishes I don't really get. Mushy and sticky rice. Appealing? Not so much. But it's one of those dishes you feel you have to like if you don't want to look like a gastropleb. It's like people getting misty eyed about liver (puh-lease). I sat in an expensive restaurant in Venice with the Grand Canal lapping at my feet and I ordered Fegato alla Veneziana. Yup, liver and onions. Why? Because the snotty waiter suggested it and, hell, if you're single in Venice you already look sad, I figured the least I could do was look sophisticated.

I'm also no good at making risotto because it's so damn slow and wants way too much attention. (Two qualities highly reminiscent of one of my exes. Now that I think about it, he was pretty mushy and sticky too...) Besides, I don't think patience is one of my virtues. Or maybe I simply don't have the attention span. I don't mind waiting for hours for a stew or a soup, but to have to stand there, endlessly stirring, is a little too double-double-toil-and-trouble for me. I'm more of a fire-burn-and-cauldron-bubble-while-I-play-on-my-laptop kind of girl.

For months I've had two packets of dried porcini mushrooms (graciously gifted by Jean) glaring at me accusingly every time I opened my pantry cupboard, begging to be resurrected. So finally I relented, but I decided to cut out the ladidaness and the tediousness [sic] with some coocoocookness. And what's less ladida than good old Old Brown Sherry? Shame I actually think I heard the mushrooms sobbing with joy and relief as they lay there slurping up the OBS.

As for the boring bit, all that tedious ladling? I discovered if you ladle enough Old Brown Sherry down your throat, shtirring and shtaring at shoggy rische aint sho bad after all.

xx

J 

PORCINI MUSHROOM RISOTTO 

2 Packets dried porcini mushrooms (40g)

2c Risotto rice

1 Onion chopped 

2 Cloves garlic sliced

1T Rosemary chopped

1c Old Brown Sherry

1/2c White wine

2L Beef stock

2T Olive oil

4T Butter

1/2c Parmesan

Put the porcini in the OBS and leave to soak for at least half an hour. Chop up finely then sieve, retaining liquid. I subsequently filtered the OBS through a coffee filter, in case of sand. Heat the beef stock on a separate plate to keep it hot. Fry the onion and garlic slowly in the olive oil until soft and glossy. Remove the onion and garlic and melt 2T butter. Add the rice and fry for a couple of minutes. Add the white wine and fry until all the liquid is soaked up. (NB - All future liquids added should be done in increments of half a cup at a time and no more liquid should be added until all the previous liquid has been soaked up by the rice). Add the onion, garlic and rosemary then the sherry in increments until soaked up. Add the mushrooms then the stock in increments until soaked up (you may not need all the stock). When the rice is al dente add the remaining 2T of butter, the parmesan and seasoning to taste.