You can't choose your family. We fling that out there with a heh-heh and a shrug of the shoulders. But sometimes it hits home. If you'll excuse the nostalgic pun.
I have one sibling. And my boet is a great man. I look up to him and adore him, though I try extremely hard to pretend I don't. That little bastard beat me up in my youth and humiliated me in my teens. Everything a big brother should do. I would eat scorpions rather than have him know I still think he's ten feet tall.
But ten feet tall or not, the man's a lunatic. He came here this morning to once again, despite my persistent insistence that I've a fear of foliage, pitch up with clumps of flowers which he's proceeded to plant in my front garden. Where no doubt I will drive over them, step on them, my dogs will pee on them and at the end of the day they will perish and my big brother will once again be disappointed in me.
That disappointment, however, will pale in comparison to the look of contempt I received today when he asked me for my outside broom. My OUTSIDE broom. WTF is an outside broom? I don't discriminate. My broom doesn't discriminate. What criteria, exactly, does he use to identify an outside broom from an inside broom? The same criteria, I suppose, that made him comment on the fact that my bin was dirty. My BIN. The shame nearly killed me. Not.
So here's the thing. If I could choose my family, would I choose this little shit that gave me donkey bites, dropped me a mile from the beach so he wouldn't be seen with me, never (to this day) introduces me to any of his single friends, brings me fragile things he knows his fragile klutz sister will kill, the same one with a filthy bin and no discerning taste in sweeping implements? Would I choose him? No. Absolutely NOT.
And that's why I thank God that we can't choose our family. Because if it were left to a dumbass like me I would be without this wonderful man as my brother. And that would be an Absolutely Tragedy.
xx
J
SMOKED SALMON MOUSSE WITH BLACK PEPPER GRISSINI
Salmon Mousse
125g Smoked salmon
1 Gelatin leaf
300ml Sour cream
2T Lemon juice
2t Chopped dill
Soak the gelatin leaf in water for 5 minutes. Mix together the sour cream and lemon juice and heat for a couple of minutes until warm but not boiling. Add the gelatin leaf and stir to dissolve. Leave to cool down then add the salmon and dill. Season and process until smooth. Pour into ramekins, cover with clingwrap and refrigerate for about 3 hours.
Black Pepper Grissini
130g Flour
1/2t Salt
1/2t Sugar
1t Yeast
2t Olive oil
80ml Lukewarm water
1T Freshly ground black pepper
Thoroughly combine the flour and salt then add the rest of the ingredients. Knead the dough until smooth, at least 10 minutes. Needless to say, this is WAY easier if you have a mixer with a dough hook. Place into a greased bowl and cover tightly with clingwrap. Rest for at least 2 hours. Knock back down and leave to rise for another 30 minutes. Break into 12-16 pieces depending on the length you want. Roll with your palm on a flat surface into long thin sticks. Sprinkle black pepper on a plate and lightly roll the sticks in the pepper. Bake on a greased baking tray at 180C for 10-15 minutes.
SEAFOOD BISQUE
Muslin cloth
3kg Crayfish & prawn shells
6T Olive oil
3 Onions roughly chopped
3 Carrots roughly chopped
3 Celery roughly chopped
3 Leeks roughly chopped
6 Cloves garlic quartered
1T Fennel seeds
180ml Brandy
200ml Vermouth
150ml White wine
6L Chicken/vegetable stock
1 Tin chopped tomatoes
3 Bouquet garni
90g Butter
90g Flour
1 Pinch - 1t cayenne pepper
300ml Cream, or more to taste
You could use any fish bits but I think the majority should be shellfish to get a richer taste. If you're using crayfish put a few at a time in a plastic bag and whack it with a hammer to break it up a bit. Fry the onion, carrots, celery and leeks slowly until softened. Add the garlic and fennel seeds and fry for another minute. Add all the seafood and fry until nice and pink. Pour in the brandy, give it a shake then set alight, leaving it to burn for about 10 seconds then covering with a lid to put it out. Add the vermouth, wine and tomatoes. Bring to the boil and reduce for about 10 minutes. Add the stock (adding more water if necessary to ensure everything is covered) and the bouquet garni. (You can make your own by making 3 parcels of 2 bay leaves+6 peppercorns+4 sprigs thyme+4 sprigs parsley. Wrap in a bit of muslin cloth and tie with string). Bring back to the boil, then reduce to a simmer and allow to bubble away, uncovered, for about 2 hours, spooning off the foam every now and again.
Strain everything through muslin cloth, pressing down to extract all the liquid. Clean the pot then pour the liquid back in and bring up to a simmer. Meanwhile, melt the butter in a separate pot then add the flour and whisk over medium heat for about 3 minutes until you have a thick paste just starting to change colour. Add a ladle of the stock and whisk until smooth. Continue until you have a thick sauce then whisk the sauce back into the soup. Simmer for about 5 minutes then reduce the heat.
Season to taste and add the cayenne and cream to taste. Serve with watercress and crusty bread.
130g Flour
1/2t Salt
1/2t Sugar
1t Yeast
2t Olive oil
80ml Lukewarm water
1T Freshly ground black pepper
Thoroughly combine the flour and salt then add the rest of the ingredients. Knead the dough until smooth, at least 10 minutes. Needless to say, this is WAY easier if you have a mixer with a dough hook. Place into a greased bowl and cover tightly with clingwrap. Rest for at least 2 hours. Knock back down and leave to rise for another 30 minutes. Break into 12-16 pieces depending on the length you want. Roll with your palm on a flat surface into long thin sticks. Sprinkle black pepper on a plate and lightly roll the sticks in the pepper. Bake on a greased baking tray at 180C for 10-15 minutes.
SEAFOOD BISQUE
Muslin cloth
3kg Crayfish & prawn shells
6T Olive oil
3 Onions roughly chopped
3 Carrots roughly chopped
3 Celery roughly chopped
3 Leeks roughly chopped
6 Cloves garlic quartered
1T Fennel seeds
180ml Brandy
200ml Vermouth
150ml White wine
6L Chicken/vegetable stock
1 Tin chopped tomatoes
3 Bouquet garni
90g Butter
90g Flour
1 Pinch - 1t cayenne pepper
300ml Cream, or more to taste
You could use any fish bits but I think the majority should be shellfish to get a richer taste. If you're using crayfish put a few at a time in a plastic bag and whack it with a hammer to break it up a bit. Fry the onion, carrots, celery and leeks slowly until softened. Add the garlic and fennel seeds and fry for another minute. Add all the seafood and fry until nice and pink. Pour in the brandy, give it a shake then set alight, leaving it to burn for about 10 seconds then covering with a lid to put it out. Add the vermouth, wine and tomatoes. Bring to the boil and reduce for about 10 minutes. Add the stock (adding more water if necessary to ensure everything is covered) and the bouquet garni. (You can make your own by making 3 parcels of 2 bay leaves+6 peppercorns+4 sprigs thyme+4 sprigs parsley. Wrap in a bit of muslin cloth and tie with string). Bring back to the boil, then reduce to a simmer and allow to bubble away, uncovered, for about 2 hours, spooning off the foam every now and again.
Strain everything through muslin cloth, pressing down to extract all the liquid. Clean the pot then pour the liquid back in and bring up to a simmer. Meanwhile, melt the butter in a separate pot then add the flour and whisk over medium heat for about 3 minutes until you have a thick paste just starting to change colour. Add a ladle of the stock and whisk until smooth. Continue until you have a thick sauce then whisk the sauce back into the soup. Simmer for about 5 minutes then reduce the heat.
Season to taste and add the cayenne and cream to taste. Serve with watercress and crusty bread.
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