Peri-Peri Jerry

I had sex with Jeremy Clarkson last night. There may have been almost 6k miles between us and he presumably had no idea we were having sex, but trust me, I know him much better this morning than I did after watching a gazillion episodes of Top Gear.

I have to wonder/worry about my subconscious. When did he/she decide that of ALL the McSteamy's and McDreamy's out there I'd have a flaming hot dream about McMeany? Look, I'd shag him any day of the week before I'd touch Richard Hammond (girly) or James May (missionary) with a barge pole. Truth is, he's so mean, so sarcastic, so utterly couldn't-give-a-rat's-arse that my subconscious is actually begging me to do the unthinkable with him. Even so, I've been begging my subconscious to let me dream the unthinkable with Daniel Craig too, but that request apparently got lost in the mail.

In the interest of full disclosure I have to say the dream was anything but a nightmare. In fact, that British accent and gravelly voice was pretty sexy when he told me to change gears. And he's way more energetic than he appears to be, I'm definitely skipping the treadmill today. So Jezza, no regrets. None. Whatsoever.

While I'm confessing I may as well admit that I once had an incredibly horrific erotic dream about Rowan Atkinson. So I give up. My subconscious is a sick puppy and I'm going to feed it. I'm going to download the Top Gear episode where Jeremy Clarkson interviews Rowan Atkinson and watch some porn. 

xx

J

PERI-PERI PRAWNS WITH SPICY RICE

Prawns

30 Prawns beheaded and deveined

2T Peri-peri

1/2c Garlic butter

3-4T Maizena

Put the prawns in a bowl and cover with about 2c cold water. Add the peri-peri, season well and stir through. Leave to marinade for about 0.5 hour. Melt the butter in a pan then scoop out the prawns with a slotted spoon and fry for a few minutes until pink. Add the Maizena to the seasoned water and pour over the prawns. Allow to simmer for 15 minutes, stirring occasionally until sauce is nicely thickened.

Spicy Rice

1c Rice

1/4c Red onion chopped

2 Chillies chopped

2t Minced ginger

2 Cloves garlic crushed

2T Butter

1/4t Ground cumin

1/4t Ground coriander

1/4t Turmeric

1T Coriander chopped

1T Lime juice

Melt the butter and fry the red onion until softened. Add the chillies, garlic, ginger and spices and fry for a couple of minutes. Add the rice and fry for another minute or so, stirring constantly. Add 2c water, bring to the boil, turn down the heat then cover and allow to simmer for about 20 minutes, checking to ensure the rice doesn't burn. Stir in the coriander and lime juice and season well.

MANGO & LIME MOUSSE

If you're gonna shag Jeremy Clarkson this is a lovely refreshing dessert to cool you down afterwards.

2c Mango pulp (about 3 medium mango's)

1/2c Castor sugar

4 Leaves gelatin

1t Vanilla Extract

1c Yoghurt

1c Cream

Zest and juice of 2 limes

Soak the leaves for 5 minutes. Meanwhile heat the pulp then add the sugar and stir until dissolved. Stir in the gelatin and vanilla and remove from the heat. Stir in the yoghurt and lime. Beat the cream until stiff then fold into the mango mix. Pour into 6 pudding bowls and grate over the zest. Chill for at least 4 hours.