Just Breathe

On Sunday I had a panic attack. I was dying. Again. I think I'm dying fairly often. This could either be because I am, in fact, often dying but God always saves me at the last minute, or I am, in fact, never dying but my immense fear of dying makes me think I am.

It doesn't help that I live alone. With two dogs, but they're not trained in telephone etiquette. So I'll die and my dogs will be terrified. And hungry (but hopefully not hungry enough to eat me). And I'll quietly rot away. And be found like that. The sight, the smell and above all, you can't suck in your stomach when you're dead. Ugh. 

I can't remember whether I've always been scared of dying. I know I've always made lists of the attendees at my funeral. I would just die (again) if only 12 people rocked up. So every couple of years or so I make a list and count how many people I think will come. I realise I'm going to need a fairly small church but if I include my parents' friends and my brothers' friends and some clients it will hopefully not be too, dare I say it, mortifying.

So as I was saying, on Sunday I was dying again and freaked out enough to call Jenny next door to warn her of my impending demise. Being Jenny, overflowing-with-soul, she insisted I come around. I went there and, while she talked soothingly to her unplanned fourth child, I paced with the hotwater bottle she gave me clutched to my chest with every muscle in my body tensed to the max as I screamed in my head: Calm down!! Stop panicking!! Stop dying!!

That's when Jenny told me to quit trying to tell my brain what to do - it won't listen. I should tell my body what to do and my brain will follow. And she told me to breathe. Just breathe. It was the dumbest thing I've ever heard. But when Jenny puts on her mommy voice you shut up and you breathe. So I did. And lived. OK, I would've probably lived anyway. But a lightbulb went off. Forget the brain, fix the body. Brain altering is hard. Breathing is surprisingly easy.

That's my lesson for today kids. Breathe. It can save your life. And for God's sake, make friends with your neighbours. They could turn out as amazing as Jenny. And if they don't, they'll probably feel guilty not to go to your funeral, so you'll score more attendees!

xx

J 

GARLIC & HERB FLATBREAD WITH ROASTED PEPPER AND CASHEW NUT PESTO

Flatbread

500g Flour

1t Bicarb of soda

2T Olive oil

1 Clove garlic chopped

2T Rosemary chopped

1T Thyme chopped

Mix the flour, the bicarb, a pinch of salt, oil and 1c water to form a ball. Knead for about 5 minutes until smooth. Break into 6 pieces. Roll each piece to 1/2cm thick. Brush with olive oil and season. Sprinkle with the mix of herbs then bake at 460F for about 8 minutes. 

Red Pepper and Cashew Nut Pesto

3 Red peppers

1/2c Roasted cashew nuts 

2 Unpeeled garlic cloves

1/2c Olive oil

2T Grated Parmesan

1/2t Thyme chopped

1T Parsley chopped

2t Lemon juice

Unlike the normal palava of blackening peppers, sweating, peeling, this is the lazy but awesome version. Halve and seed the peppers then put them skinside down on an oiled baking tray. Put the garlic in with them and brush everything with a bit of oil. (Don't pour, just brush.) Bake for about 30-40 minutes until everything is soft. Zap the peppers with the rest of the ingredients and season. 

CHOCOLATE MUD CAKE WITH CRANBERRY COMPOTE 

225g Butter

285g Castor sugar

340g Bournville chopped

5 Eggs

200g Sugar

120g Cranberry (or anyberry)

Zest of 2 lemons

Bring 1/2c water to the boil, remove from heat then whisk in the butter, chocolate and 185g of the castor sugar until melted, returning briefly to the heat if necessary. Whisk the eggs with the other 100g of the castor sugar for about 15 minutes until doubled in size and fluffy. Carefully fold in the chocolate mixture then pour into an ungreased square baking dish. Put into a larger baking dish filled with hot water so the water comes to about halfway up. Bake it for 45 minutes at 360F, long enough to form a crust but not long enough to burn so keep an eye and cover with foil for the rest of the time once it has a crust. Turn off the oven and allow to cool down completely with the door ajar. Freeze for at least 2 hours. Put the dish in boiling water for about 2 minutes then unmould. Cut into thick slices and stack 3-4 on top of each other. For the compote boil the sugar with 1c water until melted then add the berries and zest and slowly boil until thickened.