Trauma TLC

So I just went to the gynae for the first time in 8 years. Yes I know, not the right blog for this particular subject but I'm feeling sorry for myself so please allow me to vent. I promise not to go into anatomical detail. And don't worry, all the recipes below are not only vegetarian but also applicable - nothing soothes trauma like potatoes and cheese and crumbs and cream.

My last visit to a gynae was horrible. (Well, all my visits have been horrible but luckily thanks to early onset of Alzheimer's I don't remember the ones prior to that one). But at the last one I started with that hiccuppy snorty slurpy gaspy kind of sobbing the moment I put on the gown. You know the way kids cry, with a complete lack of abandon and with a frightening amount of tears and mucus? Just like that. And for the record - I warned the receptionist AND the gynae beforehand that this would happen. And you know what the bitch says while I'm crying my heart out with my one leg in China and my other leg in Chile? "You need help". And not in a nice way. BITCH.

Hence my 8 year hiatus. But I dug deep and conjured the brave me and found a new gynae. To be fair, she was kinder. To be fair, I took enough drugs to make a nun do a strip tease on a bar counter. But it was still horrible. And though I didn't sob I still cried. And now I have to go for my first mammogram. The good thing is it's booked for Valentine's Day so at least I can tell people I got some action. With the medical equivalent of a snackwich maker. Ah, good times.

I think it's unfair that us women have to have the monthly agony and the yearly gynae and the baby that can be inserted via something the size of a hose but that requires to be ejected via something the size of a sluice. It's sexist I tell you. And I'm going to complain. As soon as I finish this mug of brandy. (Don't worry, I added 2T of coke).

xx
J

POTATO CROQUETTES

1kg Potatoes peeled and chopped

2T Parsley chopped

60g Parmesan grated

4 Eggs

100g Mozzarella cut into 16 pieces (aim for rectangles not squares)

100g Breadcrumbs

Cover the potatoes with water and boil until soft. Drain and mash until very fine. Return to the heat and stir for a few minutes to dry out completely. Add the parsley, parmesan and 2 of the eggs. Shape into 16 sausages. Make a slice in the middle and put in the mozzarella. Roll to reshape. Mix together the other 2 eggs. Dip the croquettes in the egg then into the breadcrumbs. Fry for 1-2 minutes at 165C and drain before serving. 

VICHYSSOISE 

I made this soup for Fabs because she had a creepy gland removal operation and can only swallow liquids. But neither the reason nor the photo does this soup justice - it's classy and subtle and delicious.

100g Butter

2 Onions chopped

300g Leeks thinly sliced

1/4c White wine

150g Potatoes peeled and thinly sliced

400ml Chicken stock

400ml Milk

3T Cream

1/4c Chives chopped

Melt the butter and add the onions and leeks. Fry slowly for about 10 - 15 minutes. Add the wine and fry for a couple of minutes. Add the potatoes and stock and simmer slowly until the potatoes are soft. Liquidise until very smooth. Add the milk and cream then season. Put in the fridge to chill (it's traditionally a cold soup but you can serve it heated if you prefer). Sprinkle over the chives before serving.