Big Balls

I made my version of Jamie Oliver's Mountain Meatballs on Sunday. I've made it a gazillion times and I'll make it a gazillion times more because it's simply OMG. 

In culinary terms it's classic meatballs in tomato sauce turned on its head and inside out. The cheese is not on top, instead it's hiding inside the meatball so it can ooze out and surprise you. And inside the tomato sauce is coffee (yes, you heard me) and chilli. In the often mundane world of cooking, Mr Oliver, I tip my hat to you...

But the reason I love this recipe is not because of culinary genius. It's because of what it represents - Big Balls. Jamie tells how the original version has cowboys deepfrying calves' testicles up in the mountains. Now, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't eat a calf ball if it were lying in Ryan Reynolds' lap...uh...OK I would. (But remember, it's important to chew slowly...) 

However, even if you're having the mince version, the symbolism of eating balls is so savage, so barbarian, that it can give you balls too. Big ones. Ones that open you up to a strut, a mind-set, an attitude - that can be applied to all manner of situations: 

You wanna hurt my feelings / cut my fringe too short / phone me before 8 / blame me because your PC is freezing / push in front of me on the M5?

I had BALLS for supper BITCH - you SURE about that?!!

Oh yeah. Big Balls. I'll definitely be making them a gazillion times more...

xx

J

MOUNTAIN MEATBALLS

 Balls

1.5 Red Onions diced
1.2kg Mince
1T Dijon
1t Dried oreganum 
1 Pinch cumin seeds bashed / 1/4t ground
1t Coriander seeds bashed / 1/4t ground
1c Breadcrumbs
2 Eggs
100g Cheddar grated

Fry onions slowly for about 10 minutes then allow to cool. Mix together with everything but the cheese and spice well. Divide into 20 balls. Take a ball, make a hole with your thumb and shove in a good pinch of cheese. Cover up, pack, pat and roll back into a ball. Place in a large oiled dish then put in the oven at 230C for 25 minutes. 
 
Sauce

1/2 Red onion
1 Red/yellow pepper roughly chopped
5 Cloves garlic sliced
1 Red chilli chopped
1/4t Smoked paprika
3T Worcestershire sauce
3T Tomato sauce
3T Cider vinegar
3T Dark brown sugar
1T Dijon
200ml Strong coffee
2 Tins tomatoes

Fry onion, pepper, garlic, chilli and paprika slowly for about 15 minutes. Add everything else, bring to the boil, then turn down and simmer for about 25 minutes until thickened. Add meatballs and simmer very gently for another 5 minutes. Serve on mash on spaghetti.